he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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