Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
