im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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