I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
