Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
