I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
