I cannot find my penis.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
