I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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