So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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