She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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