This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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