So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
