you have to choose: penises or morals?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
