So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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