Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
