I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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