so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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