I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
