You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
