i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
