Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
