So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
