yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hippo gnu deer
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize