I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
