I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
