Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
