the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
