masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
