I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
