john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry about my life...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
