Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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