if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
