do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
