I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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