He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
