allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize