If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
