Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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