I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
