1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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