I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
