I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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