omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
