That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
