He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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