Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
