Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
