Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
