also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
