afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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