i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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