just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
