i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
