I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize