I could make wine with my vomit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
