I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize