Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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