Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
