Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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