He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
