I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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