You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
