Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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