p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
