I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
