it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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